It was Ian's birthday

He's 30 now. I put a lot of pressure on us both for this birthday to be AMAZING. Started planning all the options like 3 months ago, and have been bringing it up with increasing urgency for about that long. Birthdays are synonymous with being loved, to me. My family used to make a big deal out of birthdays. You get to choose every meal that we'd eat that day. A big fat family dinner, presents, a golden carriage to pick you up from school. Bribes sent to your crush to kiss you in the cafeteria in front of everyone, even though in terms of social rungs, you were 10 steps below. I wanted Ian to be so happy he'd shit blood. Needless to say, the point of his birthday being for him got away from me and I had a meltdown about mid-week (though I kept the actual melting-down away from him. He endured the steaming though, so sorry about that, E). In the end, we stayed home. I felt nervous that he wasn't having any fun. We cooked a 20-pound turkey and ate it with some friends who weren't going home for Thanksgiving. Poor E always gets overshadowed by the familial obligations of the holiday, which is probably why he's not as into his birthday as I am into mine. It's never really been ABOUT him, I guess. Honestly that just fuels my obsession with him having THE MOST FUN EVER, so it's probably better to just put that from my mind.

somewhere in lower washington, a sign for chocolates

So we ate Turkey, and played Settlers of Catan and drank whiskey that Steve and Tess brought as a gift. Our friend Tess was not inhibited by her drunkenness at all. She was like the goddamn Baronness of Catan, and we the lowly farmers who couldn't corner a market. I honestly don't like it as much as Monopoly. I guess I have deeply-entrenched capitalist desires. Or maybe that's just where my heads at these days. MUNNY. E and I have been trying to buy a house. We've come close twice but ultimately pulled the plug. We went from looking for a forever home to something that will be a 5 year plan. A town-home. This depresses me a little, and is surprising. I didn't think that I would be ready to find a place and want to stay there. I'm probably not. This is a good step for us: trying out home ownership before we run full tilt at some expansive property. We both love that idea, but we're going to commute. Right now my motivator is wanting to nest. To paint rooms and make decisions about art. What the fuck.

I've been regarding babies differently now: a change I am watching closely. They are interesting to me. Before I met Ian, I did not think this day would be a thing. Me, regarding babies. It started with houseplants, and then migrated to pets. I want a dog ferociously. This is another reason I am so eager to buy a house. Wood floors of my own, to ruin with puppy training.